Let someone out in traffic

Yesterday I did quite a few little trips around town and let out people waiting at side roads  whenever I could. It's so easy, so quick and makes no difference to my total journey time - but could make quite a difference to theirs.

And you may even get a smile in return!

Wednesday

Wednesday is always a strange day in the week - it's so far from a weekend isn't it!
This week even more so for me as I missed last weekend as I had five very intensive days on campus from Friday til yesterday. I, like my fellow students, am shattered. My children have been lovely and for three days each cooked tea for the family, for which I am very grateful indeed.

Wednesday - it's not only a long way from the weekends but today is cold, wet and windy. There are muddy puddles everywhere. The poor car drivers seem unable to avoid them as the huge brown waves break over us poor pedestrians.

So where is the kindness today?
Well, yesterday I made a point of complimenting the sandwich guy in his lovely falafel. (Now that sounds a bit more weird than it did in my head!)
Today... I think this counts: I made small talk with the exam invigilator who has the most boring job in the world. I took three skills tests today and in between we had some nice chats. I hope that made his day a bit more interesting - in turn I did feel less nervous, but he definitely was desperate to talk to someone!
It's time to change how we think about Wednesdays - after lunchtime the weekend is getting closer isn't it!

Here's a little something to make you smile...



- Myspace Layouts,Graphics, and Comments!

Make other people feel good about themselves

Making people feel good about themselves is an act of kindness - a mitzvah.
This can be achieved in many ways, some are deliberate, others may be accidental - and could be nurtured if you recognise them.
Let someone help you - asking someone's advice; accepting help - it's not a sign of weakness, it's not dis-empowering - it can be simply sharing a skill or piece of information.
If you feel uncomfortable accepting help, think about the intention behind the offer, maybe you should consider your own motivations.
When you help someone are you exercising power over them? does it make you feel superior?

Compliment someone - if they have made an interesting contribution to a a class discussion or workshop, tell them. If they look particularly good one day, tell them.


Notice the quiet person - If someone is working away in the background - take time to notice what they do and thank them.

Tell someone they have inspired and influenced you - don't keep this information to yourself!

Talk about someone behind their back! Tell a mutual friend, acquaintance or colleague about something good someone else has done - it may may filter back to them - or even their boss.


I've done all of these since my last post - some deliberately, some I realised upon reflection.
Sometimes I think I make people feel good about themselves just by being ridiculous myself and in comparison they know they are better than me!

Feed the birds

As suggested by St Alban's Diocese: 'Live the challenge'

Feed the birds, treasure God's creation.
As you feed the birds watch them and take time to wonder at the beauty of what is around us. The more we wonder and appreciate the wonder of what is around us, the more we will take care of it - and enrich our own lives.

Congratulations!

When someone does well, or has some good news, congratulate them!
Don't take it as read that you are happy for them or that you are proud.

• Two of my children took part in Rock Challenge (http://www.rockchallenge.co.uk/) I encouraged them because it is great organisation and convinced them they would only have a drama role and wouldn't have to dance. However it transpired that they did have to dance - and both stuck with it and did really well. I didn't think I'd ever see my son dance - and dance well. What a lovely moment and what a great revelation to all of us! I'm so proud of both of them for stretching themselves and being open to trying new things.

• My friend is getting married - hurrah! and has invited me - Hurrah! Congratulations were sent!
• And a new friend, a fellow student, has just got an 'outstanding distinction' for her assignment. It puts my 'very good' in the shade somewhat(!) but I am genuinely really, really happy for her. Congratulations were sent!

Lenten Mitzvahs

Does this concept work? Or is it #that-awkward-moment-when-two-religions-meet?

Many people see Lent as purely a time of giving things up. Jesus went to the desert for 40 days for a period of reflection, contemplation and meditation prior to taking up his ministry. During this time he was also tempted by the devil.
For Christians giving things up in Lent is part of a bigger goal of preparation for Easter and is an opportunity to overcome faults, exercise self discipline and spend more time doing religious acts.
A real season for Christians to think 'WWJD'. I shall bear this in mind as I try and cope with my Lenten Facebook fast.

How are my daily mitzvahs going?

I visited my old workplace today as part of my course and was lucky enough to observe 5 lessons as well as see school life from the perspective of a year 7 - I've been able to 'magpie' a couple of lesson ideas - and thanked the teachers for allowing me to observe them.

I also gave a little 'I miss you present' to a member of the support staff.

At the end of the day some of the girls found a frog outside the PE department and I organised some year 13 boys to move it to a safer place - I did have to reassure them that it wouldn't bite them first!
So you say that was two kindnesses in one. The frog was protected and these hulking young men have found there is no reason to be afraid of a frog!

Share opportunities

I am a student teacher, today I went to a school's open morning as part of the application process. I told another student on my course about the vacancy and gave her a lift to the open morning as she doesn't drive.
Some people may question my sanity, but I firmly believe that the school know who they are looking for and it's up to them to choose between us - and the other candidates, not me.
We both loved the school, so two application forms are about to be written. I'll draw the line at helping her with her form though!

Kindness begets Kindness

I am encouraging my Sunday School group to do a random act of kindness every day in Lent.

This is my kindness to them - they will feel for themselves the kindness they deliver to others.

When in London...

On Saturday I went to a workshop in London - loads of potential for mitzvahs and random acts of kindness here!
Here are some examples -
Giving directions, in this case, it was to McDonalds when I was in Trafalgar Square, no accounting for taste!
Taking photos for tourists. If you see a couple taking photos offer to take a photo with both in it.
Offering a seat on the train or bus.
Buying an extra item of food for a homeless person (depending on your budget this could be a packet of crisps, a chocolate bar, a sandwich or a whole meal)

In a workshop or seminar freely share your ideas and encourage others.
Give honest feedback to the presenters, and thank them.

Random acts of kindness week

I've been encouraging people on facebook to join in. So far...Monday: give a smile, get a smile. Tuesday: tell someone you care about why they are important to you. Wednesday: forgive someone.
And I've been following my advice :-)
I've also spent time with, or talking on the phone to, friends who needed a friend / sounding board.

Thinking of others

It's like being a brownie again, doing a good turn every day.

I took my son to the airport, and eben woke him up when he slept through his alarm - the deal was I would take him but he was responsible for dragging me out of bed at 5am.

My dad had a heart procedure yesterday following surgery in the summer. My friend's mum has had similar surgery and I msg her with words of encouragement (- but not enough.)

A week of mini mitzvahs

Monday, I took in a parcel for a neighbour.
Tuesday, I helped a supply teacher with her class
Wednesday, I told my neighbour about the parcel(!), and gave away another money off voucher.
Thursday, I wrote to a head teacher in praise of a group of his pupils and two teachers, I saw at an event outside of school.
Friday, I made brownies and flapjacks to share at a training day - and ran to the shops for supplies.
Today I will walk through the sub zero temperatures to collect a parcel for my daughter from the PO - I'll take my camera in the hope it will be a pretty walk.

A mitzvah catch up!

I've been really busy but here are some little things I've been doing along the way:
I've been offering lifts, sharing job alerts with potential 'competition', offering a shoulder to cry on, saying thank you with chocolates, giving a free haircut (not sure anyone would pay me, did save the cost of one at a salon), emptied the dishwasher - AGAIN! and I got my friend's book in the school library.
... that's it for now!

Ice cream or cup cakes?

Ice cream or cupcakes?

Follow the link to see the simple culinary wonder of cupcakes in the guise of little ice creams.
Today's mitzvah is to share this wonder with you!

Helping someone you don't know

I was asked to talk to someone who is considering a change of career about my experiences on the PGCE.
We spoke for nearly half an hour and she was pleased to have the opportunity to discuss a whole set of questions.
It was good for me too, in the midst of assignment writing, to remind myself why I am doing this!

Thank you!

I've had a lot of support and advice from people in the last few days as I have been wrestling with and assignment, my family, my children, friends of friends, ex-work colleagues, peers... it's like an Oscar's acceptance speech.
I have thanked everyone along the way - I am truely grateful to all of them.

Welcome a new neighbour

Today my mitzvah was to knock on the door of a new neighbour and just say hello. The new neighbours are lovely and it was a pleasure to meet them. They were pleased to have a visitor too. Win win!

Time flies

I've been so busy this week, barely come up for air, but in the middle of all that I've been keeping mitzvahs in my awareness and many very small acts of gratitude, and cheery smiles have been meted out!

Praise where praise is due

Today I had to review my mentor's performance during my school placement. It's been a tough few weeks and I haven't found it easy. My mentor has from day one told it like it is. She has been completely fair in her assessment of me (not easy to do!) and has tried hard to make sure that I have been able to do what I needed to do.
What more could she do? especially on top of all her other work. So I gave her practically 'top marks' - and told her why.
I have never been made to feel in the way - when I know I must have been, just by being there interrupting her routine. In fact I have felt very welcome and at home in her class and for that I am grateful.

Martin Luther king Day, 16th January 2012

“Those not looking for happiness are most likely to find it...those searching forget that happy is to seek happiness for others.” -MLK Jr.

Today's mitzvah - taking time out for someone else

This morning I made sure I had time for a proper conversation two men from the drug and alcohol rehabilitation centre who came to my church this morning.
They are lovely men and I benefited from the chat, which was about photography as it turns out it is something one of them is quite knowledgeable about.
So, I wonder if it was a mitvah after all?

Maybe doing the sunday school class when I am feeling swamped with studies counts!

Yesterday's mitzvah - help promote a friend

 Yesterday I went to my local Waterstone's bookshop to ask if they had my friend's book on their shelf. They don't yet and the man said he would chase it up and got straight on the phone to the publishers :-)
Dave has been in himself, obviously, but every little helps.
And it gave me a reason to call my friend Jane (Mrs Dave).

Pay it forward

This morning I got a voucher for £3.05 off my next shop (part of a brand price match promotion) - I gave to someone on his way into the shop. It took him a moment or two to understand that it was a simple no strings attached offer.



He was thankful, and I was happy.

Mitzvahs are easy and cheer me up when I'm stressed!

I feel as if I am sinking under my studies and uncertainties over how well I am fulfilling my requirements... I took two minutes out yesterday to tell the facebook world that my friend's first book is published, printed and in the shops (also available on Amazon: Fifteen Days Without a Head, by Dave Cousins)
Today the happiest of news reached me of an engagement between two of the loveliest people. All I did was send congratulations with a true message of how lovely they are and I'm told I'm kind. Well It was my pleasure!

Sharing

Today I passed on details of services that I knew about to people who I know would benefit of be interested in.

Thank you!

Today I made sure I thanked everyone for things they did for me. Lots of very small acknowledgements of what other people have done for me, sometimes without thinking about it themselves.

Hugs and compliments

I gave virtual hugs via facebook to a friend who was feeling down; a real one to a neighbour who I had just seen being road-bullied (innocent victim of road rage) and my daughter who had gone to school not feeling well and then spent half an hour locked, cold and wet, outside the house at the end of the day because she had no key, only to find her brother had been home the whole time.

I collected my son from a rehearsal and saw him dance for the first time and he was really good so it was my pleasure to tell him how impressed I was.

A mitzvah for myself!

I took about 20 photos, here a few favourites.

Yesterday I was kind to myself - does that count?


I was feeling overloaded and when the sun came out I desperately wanted to go out in it even though I had a mountain of work to do and a fast approaching deadline.
If it had been anyone else I knew my advice would be that an hour away from the computer and desk would result in a clear head and greater productivity later.
I went of a lovely walk, took some photographs and felt sated.
So my mitzvah to myself blew away cobwebs, let me appreciate the beauty around me. My mitvah to you is follow my lead and take some time doing something good for your souls - get beck in touch with the version of yourself you identify with.
* pay it forward!  *

 

As I walked home through the church yard I noticed something I knew I should talk to someone about.
It was a hard decision but hopefully the right one.

(update, few days later: still don't know if it was the right thing - but done with best intentions.)




Today, on an entirely different level, I tip-toed around the house as I left for school trying not to disturb my own children who don't go back until tomorrow. We all like a lie-in!
And despite them being 11 and 14 (and therefore quite capable in the kitchen) I am going to cook tea without any hint of martyrdom!

My teacher mentor was run off her feet so I collected the class for her after lunch. No skin off my nose but it gave her another five minutes elbow room.

New Years Day 2012

Today I thanked my friend for hosting a NYE party and a number of friends who asked after my poorly daughter.

I can't help thinking that this kindness thing so far is just documenting things I do anyway - and isn't it the minimum of how we should be?Perhaps in time being aware of doing them will increase my positive self image?

Perhaps I should try harder!

For more inspiration, here's some information and a link to "1000 Mitzvah's" the story of another woman's kindness project.

link to: 1000 mitzvahs

Mitzvah (Hebrew: מצווה, IPA: [ˈmɪtsvə], “commandment”; plural,mitzvot; from צוה, tzavah, “command”) is a word used in Judaism to refer to (a) the commandments, of which there are 613, given in the Torah (the first five books of the Hebrew Bible) or (b) any Jewish law at all. The term can also refer to the fulfilment of a mitzvah as defined above.

The term mitzvah has also come to express any act of human kindness, such as the burial of the body of an unknown person. According to the teachings of Judaism, all moral laws are, or are derived from, divine commandments.

Mitzvah Ideas

Here are some ideas to get you started on your own mitzvah/kindness efforts:

Make a meal for a new mom

Volunteer at a soup kitchen

Donate children’s clothing to a local shelter

Donate centerpieces or flowers from an event to a hospital

Hold the door for someone

Send a gratitude card

Send a condolence card

Visit a shiva house (house of mourning)

Volunteer at school

Bake some cookies or a meal for a new neighbor

Compliment someone

Tip the housekeeper

Let someone’s employee know they did a great job

Surprise someone with flowers

Donate Blood

Donate money in honor or memory of someone

Visit a nursing home or senior center with your kids

Parents With Tweenage/Teen Children: 

Have your kids run a Lemonade Stand, Bake Sale or Car Wash. Give the proceeds to their favorite charity. If you let the organization know that you will personally deliver the donation maybe they will shake their hand or at least publicly acknowledge their efforts.

Collect outgrown coats, toys, books and donate them appropriately.

Volunteer to deliver meals on wheels, pass out charity cards for a non-profit.

Collect partially used gift cards (www.giftcardgiver.com) to give back to a non-profit.

Mentor younger children in something.

Offer babysitting services for a single parent.

Take a family volunteering vacation.

Seniors 

Volunteer in a school reading program.

Become a foster grandparent.

Become an ESL language teacher.

Arrange a fundraiser.

Work at a school cafeteria.

Volunteer to work with animals.

Acts of Kindness

It is one of the most beautiful compensations of life that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson.

I gave someone a lift today to save them from walking home through the horrible weather.

Mitzvahs: what I have learned already

It is not possible to produce random acts of kindness when you are solitary.
Time to leave the books and housework behind and get out into the world!

Mitzvahs

I am currently training to be a teacher and that is why this blog has gone quiet. I have, decided to use the blog to record my efforts as I seek out ways to practice kindness towards others.
In the Jewish community I think this is called a mitzvah. In secular society the random acts of kindness foundation and Danny Wallace's JoinMe advocate similar things. Being kind and showing love to your neighbour is a familiar Christian concept.
Apparently this change in behaviour will have a positive impact on me too. So to help others, and recieve the gift of giving, this is my new years resolution: to actively and consciously do at least one act of kindness a day.
Don't get me wrong - I don't consider myself 'unkind', but there's always room for improvement!
 I will post when I have time and remember.

As a starter I have found the local supermarket a great source of potential recipients, from the old lady who can't find the pudding rice and chasing after her when I found it; to giving money off coupons from the tills to shoppers I pass on my way out of the shop. I expect some mitzvahs will become regular but I shall try to find new ones too.

Discipline and self control

here's a great quote, via Valorie Burton, about discipline and self-control: "Stop trying to control everyone else and just focus on controlling yourself." - Joyce Meyer
It sits well with one of my favourite quotes from Ghandi, "Be the change you want to see in the world"

Don't talk your self out of success!

‎'You'll always miss 100% of the shots you don't take' Wayne Gretzky
Take that risk, accept that challenge! If it doesn't come off first time, work out why and use a different strategy next time. Remind yourself how you will benefit from successfully taking the shot - what differences will you see? how will good you feel?

New Year Resolutions - Made to be broken?

As a new year approaches our thoughts turn to resolutions - often with dread. There are things about ourselves we don't like and we beat ourselves up over them. We remember so well the promises we made to ourselves in the past; repeatedly breaking the same promises of losing weight, getting fitter and healthier, successful and wealthier.

It's clearly a sign of madness to repeat the same action and expect a different outcome.

Here's my suggestion to you -

Stop using new year resolutions as a way to punish yourself and choose reward yourself instead.

Choose ONE thing and do it well.

Do something NEW.

Here's a list of 'P' words to help you along.

PERSONAL - your resolution should be self motivated, not something you are doing for or because of someone else. (Wii fit thinks I should lose a stone, I think my weight is OK, not perfect but OK!). Likewise, your motivation needs to be your personal satisfaction in keeping to your resolution, not praise or recognition from others.

PUBLIC - tell your friends, your colleagues, your family. Remind yourself. Write your resolution down and stick up where you will see it every day - by your computer, next to your bed, on the fridge, opposite the toilet! Add it to your facebook profile.

POSITIVE - use positive language like my target weight is x stones (not' I want to lose weight'), I will eat fruit for pudding (not 'I won't eat biscuits for pudding').

POSITIVE - (positivity is very important) Choose something that you know will make a positive impact on your life, even in a small way. Teach yourself how fulfilling your resolution is a good thing, not a grudge.

SPECIFIC - (OK, so that one starts with 'S', you do need to be flexible) If you want to become fitter, how fit? How will you know you have reached your goal? If you say you want to earn more money, that is easily achieved by doing one car boot sale. You will let yourself off the hook if your resolution is vague and you can fob yourself off.

PERSPECTIVE - try it on for size, is it realistic and achievable, or are you asking too much? Visualise yourself as you move towards your goal and really see what it will be like to get there, how it will feel, how good you will feel. Does it sound good?

PLANNING - How, where, when and what are you SPECIFICALLY going to to make this happen? Include in your planning your first step and the last step.

PIT STOP - give yourself some stepping stones; a series of small steps is so much easier, and possible, than one huge leap.

PRAISE - Recognise everything you do that gets you closer to your goal. You can use stepping stones to mark your progress and have rewards along the way. (Keep them in proportion - a trip to the cinema when you've done 20 minutes of study is so wrong!)

PERFECTION - expect to 'go off piste' sometimes, go back to your PLAN! Manage your expectations and remember your PLAN and your PIT STOPS.

What will happen if you succeed?

What will happen if you don't?

You probably think this post is about you!

Do you get upset by things people say to you?

Think about a blunt comment made by a friend or colleague which has put your nose out of joint. You are upset because when you think about the comment, you are thinking only about yourself and your circumstances. It is possible however that the other person is actually too interested in themselves to think of ways to deliberately upset you!

It's not an event or a remark that makes you unhappy, It's the way you choose to interpret it. You make yourself upset.

Getting upset by external factors - other people, the weather, the establishment - is a choice made by people who irrationally give their importance to others too much weight. This leaves them stuck in a way of thinking that puts responsibility for their happiness in the hands of others. If this post IS about you, you could be making yourself unhappy.
You may think that not getting upset this lets offensive people off the hook - so let's re-frame. Instead of blaming others for our unhappiness let's get rid of irrational self talk and investigate how we were were able to make ourselves so unhappy about someone else's actions.
Look out for and identitfy trigger issues, notice the feelings you get and the thoughts running through your mind:
- What really made you unhappy?
- What are you telling yourself?
- What questions are you asking yourself?
Now is the time to decide to take a positive step and change it round.

Think now about these questions: How do you feel if...
you don't get an invitation to a party you were hoping for?
- Do you feel that you were deliberated excluded from the party, or do you think that perhaps there were limited numbers?
your report or suggestion isn't accepted without criticism?
- Do you feel despondent that you aren't valued, or do you focus on the parts of your report that were accepted and see an opportunity to improve the rest?
you get splashed by a passing car driving through a puddle?
- Do you feel targetted, or do you assume that some car drivers are careless?
it rains when you were planning a BBQ?
- Do you say, "The weather always does this to me!", or do you think that the chance of rain is just a part of living in Britain?

Because you don't get a perfect response or outcome does not mean you shouldn't bother or that the world is against you. Look for a positive; surround yourself with people who care about you and share your values. Assume that there is a positive reason behind all behaviour and forgive yourself and others for not being perfect.

The role of peace and hope in happiness

There are so many factors that contribute to happiness, many of which depend upon how you think and act NOW in the present. But this post is about the past and the future.
Can you be happy now if you are haunted by events from the past? If you are traumatised by stressful events from your childhood - or even last month? Or if you have unresolved issues or relationships that impact on your current actions and relationships.
Can you imagine being happy now if you are worried about what will happen in the future? This includes events that you know will happen and you are worried about how you will cope with them, for example, or events that you fear may happen.

Happiness now depends upon being at peace with past - including forgiving yourself and others.
Happiness now depends upon having hope for the future.

Don't shut the skeletons of anger, sadness, fear, guilt, regret and hurt in your emotional closet. The effort of keeping them under lock and key is draining and stressful. Re-frame the negative emotions and events, or work out a way of seeing them from a more positive perspective. The negativity isn't helpful to you now. The negative stuff from the past weighs you down and the negative way you are viewing the future is holding you back. Doing this is not always straightforward so I will address reframing and belief change in future posts.

Negative emotions can always be overrided by positive ones, and here is one way of accessing authentic happiness from your memories. A more involved version of this process is used to permanently remove negative emotions from events. For now, though, let's focus on savouring a happy memory.

Think of a specific happy memory in the past. Close your eyes and imagine yourself floating up above yourself, up above your present self. Imagine all your memories are arranged along a line - like a railway - going into the past in one direction and your future stretched out in the other. Your line could be straight, V-shaped, curved and at any angle. Now, still high above your time line, float back to the memory you have identitfied. Float there as long as like, view the scene through your own eyes, soak up all you could see, hear and feel, enjoy the positive emotions and float back to now along your time line.

You are what you think

We can develop this idea further but essentially your thoughts and the environment you surround yourself with impacts on your emotional wellbeing and energy.
Feeling low? Remind yourself of times you were truely happy, watch a favourite DVD, listen to music with positive associations and great memories.
Numerous studies show that even reading a list positive or negative words affects you. Derron Brown and Richard Wiseman (Quirkology) have both demonstrated this on their TV shows.

"Your persistent thoughts become your reality"

Surround yourself with positive people; reframe negative situations to look for the proverbial silver cloud; listen out for, and challenge, your own negativity. How do you choose to influence your mood and energy levels?

What makes me happy?

What is happiness and how can you become happy?
Is it the absence of want?
Is it contentment?
Doing something you love?
Being absorbed?
Creativity?
People often know what they don't want, they have got to know their problems and dislikes very well but don't know what they do want. With nothing positive to aim for it is all too easy to get stuck in the misery of what is wrong and see happiness as something lost or only for others.

Things I love make me happy
thinking about things I love makes me happy

Sun, sand, waves
Woodland, meadows, birdsong
land art, baking, painting, drawing
camping, dancing, spinning poi
parties, friends, family
learning new things
gratitude, fun, joy, awe and wonder

Walking into happiness

At a happiness talk I experienced 'walk innovation' - a process developed by Adam Shaw, experienced in nursing, Reiki, NLP and more!

The process involves five steps:
Grounding, Breathing, Focus, Gratitude, Being Present

In groups of three we walk and breathe and focus on gratitude - What do you really love?
Observing the other two in my group was great while I focused just on my breathing and getting grounded, questioning someone I didn't know about what made them happy was wonderful.
My 'questioner' discovered that I love nature, beauty, beaches, long hot summers, rolling waves, exhileration, creating things, having friends and family with me, being appreciated, and candy floss.
I got quite excited by candy floss because I was really focused on what I loved about it, it's associations in memories and positive emotions. I surprised myself (another positive emotion!) and left measureably happier and more energetic than when I arrived.

How not to eat cake - new course

Following the successful weight and inch loss achieved in the Autumn course we are running the workshops again,
this time in longer sessions over two Saturday mornings
and in a new venue - use the link below for more details!

How not to eat cake!

I have teamed up with a nutritional therapist to bring you a four week weightloss course with a difference.
With the combined knowledge and tools of nutritional therapy and psychology we can not only tell you what to do to lose weight but also how to do it.

The workshops will be limited to 10 people, in an informal and fun environment while getting some serious work done.

Would you like to lose weight safely and sustainably?
Do you find it difficult to resist sugary or fatty food?

contact me directly or visit the webpage below for more information first.

http://sites.google.com/site/hownot2eatcake/

Big Rocks Prioritisation Theory

This is a story with a moral: planning is the key to time management - and stress reduction. It appears in many forms - always reported as true!
Here's my version, with some food for thought at the end:

In the book “First Things First” Stephen Covey describes a story that one of his associates experienced on a seminar. In the middle of the lecture the presenter pulled out a wide-mouth jar and placed it on the table, aside to some fist-sized rocks.
After filling the jar to the top with rocks he asked, “Is the jar full?”
People could see that no more rocks would fit, so they replied, “Yes!”
“Not so fast,” he cautioned. He then got some gravel from under the table and added it to the jar, filling the spaces between the rocks. Again, he asked, “Is the jar full?”
This time the students replied “Probably not.”
The presenter then reached a bucket of sand below the table, and dumped it on the jar, filling the spaces between the rocks and the gravel. Once again he asked “Is the jar full?”
“No!”, the students shouted.
Finally, he grabbed a pitcher of water and filled the jar completely, asking to the public what they could learn from that illustration.
One of the participants answered, “If you work at it, you can always fit more into your life.”
“No,” said the presenter. “The point is, if you don’t put the big rocks in first. . . would you ever have gotten any of them in?”
This little story can be applied to all aspects of your life.
The question then becomes: out of all your activities, what are the big rocks? More importantly, are you making sure that they are going first into the jar?
The professor then produced two cans of beer and proceeded to pour them into the jar, effectively filling the empty spaces between the rocks, pebbles, and the grains of sand. The students laughed. “Now,” said the professor as the laughter subsided, “I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.
“The rocks are the important things – your family, your partner, your health, your children, and your close friends - things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter, like your job, your house and your car. The sand is everything else. The ‘small stuff.’ If you put the sand into the jar first,” he continued, “there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks.
“The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness: Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out dancing.
There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party, and fix the disposal. Take care of the rocks first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities; the rest is just sand.”
One of the students raised her hand and asked what the beer represented. The professor smiled; “I’m glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a couple of beers!”

Now what can you glean from this for yourself?
What are your big rocks? What do you care about in life? What are your top priorities?
What do you want? What goals do you have in connection with your family, your friends and your life partner, your career, your health?
If you don’t currently have a romantic partner, are you making the time to meet new people? Is optimal fitness important to you? What about spirituality, community service, politics or finding new ways to make a contribution to society? What about having fun, seeing the world and enjoying new adventures?
Take a minute right now to jot down what you consider the big rocks in your life.
After you finish writing down the five, six or ten areas that are a top priority for you, think about how much time you are spending in each area. Is your life balanced, or has one area of pressure taken over your time?

Are you willing to make a commitment, right now, to putting those big rocks in the glass jar of your life? To make a positive change now?

The point is: unless you put the big rocks in first, you won't get them in at all.
Plan time-slots for your big issues before anything else, or the inevitable sand and water issues will fill up your days and you won't fit the big issues in (a big issue doesn't necessarily have to be a work task - it could be your child's sports-day, or a holiday).

Put the Big Rocks First

Stress Management Workshops in Hemel Hempstead

Stress is a major contributing factor to many physical and metal illnesses and is responsible for more sick days from work than any other reason.
Each workshop is independent but the two complement each other.


Secrets of Stress Free People
Wednesday 13th February
7.30pm - 9.30pm

By understanding how others manage stress successfully you can use their strategies to become stress free too.
On this interactive workshop you will learn what stress is and how to deal with the symptoms of stress, manage stressful situations, identify your personal stressors, make changes to you lifestyle and attitudes.

Learn to Relax
Wednesday 20th February
7.30pm - 9.30pm

An interactive session where you will practice breathing techniques, muscle relaxation and visualisation.
These effective yet simple techniques are easy to master and can be used anywhere. You will discover that after deep relaxation you can feel refreshed and energised.

Location
Boxmoor Cricket Club, St John's Road, Hemel Hempstead, HP1 1NP

Booking and payment
The workshops are £20 each or book both for £30
Please pre-book to reserve a place by visiting:

http://positivechangenow.googlepages.com





or call 07881 602024

Developments at Positive Change Now

I have had several requests for workshops and downloadable material, so...
coming soon... there will be a series of public workshops.

The first two will be:

'Secrets of Stress-Free People'
introducing the concepts of stress:
what stress actually is,
how it is manifested mentally and physically,
how to deal with the symptoms of stress,
how to manage stressful situations
how to identify your personal stressors

'Learn to Relax'
An interactive and practical session. You will learn:
effective breathing techniques to relax your mind
how to relax your body
how to use visualisation to rest, recuperate and feel refreshed anywhere.

They will be in February in Hemel Hempstead - details to follow.

In the pipeline:
'Secrets of Slim People'
'From Procrastination to Motivation'
'How to be Happy'

Please contact me for more information

The Existential Cycle - the Wheel of Change

This cycle is used in many fields including life changing career decisions, exercise regimes and addictions.
Doing: This is the daily, everyday routine activities - you are in equilibrium.
Contemplating: Questioning the ‘Doing’, becoming dissatisfied with the present - becoming curious about what could be different.
Preparing: Researching the possibilities, moving beyond daydreams and wishes to fact finding and goal setting.
Experimenting: End current ‘Doing’ activities and start a new set of activities. After a period of time this becomes the new ‘Doing’.
We are constantly being pulled back to the original ‘Doing’. The further round the wheel we get the stronger the pull. This stops mere flights of fancy, of the over exuberant, being acted upon: changes are usually made only after consideration and planning – but can prevent potentially good opportunities being taken by the overly cautious.
The time we make an irrevocable decision (eg selling the house in England to buy the hotel in Spain) is when the magnetic attraction of the original ‘doing is at its strongest. This point is known as crossing the Rubicon. This is when we move from ‘preparing’ to ‘experimenting’ and lasts until we move from ‘experimenting’ to the new ‘Doing’.
Attitudes that go along with returning to the old ‘Doing’ include: ‘dreamers are losers’, ‘get real’ and catastrophic fantasies. Emotions that go with these are fear and guilt and these emotions are often swiftly followed by regret.
If you return to the original doing your reasons for moving towards the new doing are not as compelling or well formed as the reasons you are moving away from the original doing. Every time you step off the existential cycle you learn something from that experience and the next time you step back on to the cycle you will be closer to reaching a new way of doing.
Addictions:
Doing: You are in love with your addiction. You see nothing wrong with it, make excuses for it: ‘ I can drink six pints and be safe to drive’, ‘my grandmother lived to 86 and smoked 60 a day’, ‘fat is beautiful’.
Contemplation: You have to perform your addictive activity more and more to achieve less effect and withdrawal seems harder and harder. Doubts begin to set in. You waver between wanting to stop and not wanting to stop. You stop for a while but it returns; it’s hard, or you don’t want to, make the break.
Preparing: Something tips the balance. You make an action plan
Experimenting: You attempt to cross the Rubicon, to change your ways, to avoid your old behaviour. You may seek help.
Now you may go to new ‘doing’ by staying stopped, or you may go back to any other point including the old doing (pre-contemplation). The doubts soon creep back in though and you have added to your skill-set about what works and what doesn’t around your unwanted activity.
Past attempts are stepping stones to future success.

Doctors Use Acupressure Technique Instead of Drugs to Combat Emotional Eating

Press Release from EFT World Centre in San Francisco, CA (PRWEB)

--Why do people eat when they are not hungry?
According to the foundational theory of Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT), people overeat to tranquilize unresolved negative emotions and traumas. Recent research has established that obese people overeat because their food cravings are controlled by the same part of the brain that control drug cravings in addicts. This brain circuitry located in the hippocampus is also the part of the brain that is involved with emotion.Researchers are hopeful that these findings will point to new treatments for obesity and they acknowledge that dealing with emotions may be necessary. Meanwhile, people are already conquering food cravings and addictions by addressing their unresolved emotional issues with EFT– and they have been doing so for more than a decade. EFT involves fingertip tapping on select acupressure points while focusing on the craving in question. EFT claims an 80% success rate in calming the emotions that trigger food cravings.
Gary Craig, the Stanford-trained engineer who developed EFT, has noticed a marked increase in the number of research studies that link negative emotions to physical issues. “But it is not enough to just make that link,” says Craig. “People also need reliable, inexpensive and safe treatment options that will help them address negative emotions once and for all, thereby breaking the link to physical illness. For the last decade EFT has given people an effective, drug-free healing option with an 80 percent success rate.”Physician, Dr. Eric Robins says, "Some day the medical profession will wake up and realize that unresolved emotional issues are the main cause of 85% of all illnesses. When they do, EFT will be one of their primary healing tools ... as it is for me."In other medical news, pharmaceutical giant, Merck abandoned their anti-obesity drug MK-0577 when it failed to produce significant weight loss results in human clinical trials. Meanwhile, a French pharmaceutical company is awaiting US FDA approval for their “magic bullet for obesity” drug, rimonabant.In one year, this drug, plus a low calorie diet resulted in an average weight loss of less than 11 pounds in obese drug trial participants. Only those on a high dose of the drug had noteworthy weight loss and the accompanying side effects included nausea, diarrhea, headache, dizziness, joint pain as well as psychiatric and nervous system disorders.In contrast, when people use EFT for their food addictions, there are no drugs involved and even willpower is unnecessary if users connect with and resolve their emotional reasons for turning to unhealthy foods. In 80% of the cases immediate food cravings subside in moments. Craig acknowledges, “While this is not yet mainstream thinking, hundreds of doctors, psychiatrists and psychotherapists are using EFT to help their patients change their relationships with food.”Craig reports, “I see repeatedly that emotional issues like fear, anger, boredom, shame, and resentment are the very centerpiece of someone’s weight gain. But their emotional issues have remained unresolved despite willpower and conventional therapies. This is because the emotional issues have disrupted their energy meridian system (or Chi in Chinese Medicine). Until the energy system is balanced, the emotional eating will continue.”Over 400,000 people have downloaded Craig’s free training manual and another 10,000 download it each month, making it one of the fastest-growing healing modalities in the world. Known as The EFT Manual, it has been translated by volunteer practitioners into nine languages. The EFT website is the fourth most actively visited natural health site in the world.

Katharines Creations

Click on the 'Katharines Creations' link to view my new creative blog.
I'll post pictures and photos from the last few years and you can track my progress as I work through a drawing course.

Dental Fear and Anxiety - Tip 3: Easy Breathing for Relaxation

The 7:11 Breathing Pattern

Whether you are thinking about making an appointment, you are in the waiting room or in the chair many people find that the easiest way to relax is to concentrate on their own breathing.
It is a special type of breathing, not into your chest but deep into your tummy or diaphragm which is below your chest. Experience this now.
Sit down and close your eyes for a little while. Just become aware of your breathing. Make sure you are sitting or lying in a comfortable position with your hands resting in your lap or by your side and your legs un-crossed.
Concentrate on being aware of your feet on the floor, your arms, legs, head wherever they are resting.
Make each out breath last longer than the in breaths. This causes stimulation of the part of your nervous system responsible for relaxation. This is a basic law of biology and if you breathe in this way then your body will have no choice but to relax.
Your body will respond regardless of what your mind is thinking.
Now count to 7 as you breathe in and 11 as you breathe out, concentrate on counting to keep your mind focused, welcome the sense of calm gradually flowing in.
Do this 10-20 times knowing you will relax more with each breath.

It may be a little difficult at first and you may like someone to guide you through it until you are familiar with it, but doing this regularly causes your general anxiety level to come down. You may also find that you begin to breathe this way automatically if you feel anxious. Regular relaxation actually starts to inhibit the production of stress hormones in the body so it actually becomes harder and harder to panic. As you become more generally relaxed the 'baseline' of arousal from which you are starting lowers. It actually becomes harder to get stressed!
You can gain much more control over panic attacks.

Dental Fear and Anxiety - Tip 2: Fast Phobia Cure

Fast Phobia Technique, also known as the re-wind technique

Identify the particular aspect of your visit to the dentist you are phobic about and gauge you level of anxiety on a scale of 1 – 10.
Remember that you feel safe and comfortable before and after the event.
I want you to imagine yourself seated in the middle of a cinema and up on the screen, you can see a small black and white snapshot of yourself in a situation just before you experience your fear of a dental visit identified in (1.)
Now, I would like you to imagine that you float out of your body sitting in the cinema seat and back into the projection booth, so you can see yourself sitting in the middle of the cinema looking at the black and white snapshot of yourself on the screen.
Keeping the snapshot small, turn it into a black and white movie running all the way through that experience in which you used to have a phobic response. Let it run all the way to the end until the moment the event is over and you are feeling safe and comfortable, freeze it as a still image.
Float from the projection booth and float from your seat and into the screen and into your body at the end of the movie.
Turn the snapshot to colour and looking through your own eyes run the film backwards at four times the normal speed, so all the action is moving backwards, all the sounds are played backwards, remember you are IN the movie and experiencing it. Play it all the way back to the moment before the event when you felt safe and comfortable.
Repeat steps 4 to 7 a few times until you feel more comfortable. Increase the speed of playback in step 7 and add some comedy music if you like.
Now imagine your next visit to the dentist and really go into detail about the aspects you are most concerned about. Gauge you anxiety on a scale of 1 – 10. Repeat until you are at 0!

As for the swish it is possible to work on this on your own but sometimes it is more effective when working with a trained practitioner.

Dental Fear and Anxiety - Tip 2: Swish

The Swish technique
As well as Dental fear and phobia this is used for a great many purposes by successful people all over the world. It is particularly suitable to help you deal with 'one-off' situations where you need a confidence boost, although there are many other times when it may be useful.
To use it successfully, you need to be wide awake and in a place where you will not be disturbed.
1. Create the CUE picture. Close your eyes. Steady your breathing and relax your body as much as you can for a minute or two. Now create, in your mind's eye, a projector screen, and on it get an image of you what you see when you become frightened of a dental visit. It must be as vivid and sharp as you can make it, filling your whole vision, the colours bright and alive, with you looking just as uncomfortable as you can possibly imagine. Make it seem like an enormous colour slide being projected in your mind, and include anything that will make it more lifelike; other people around you, their expressions, the scenery, listen out for sounds, notice the smells, experience what you are ‘touching’, feel the emotions. When you have that picture vivid enough that it actually makes you squirm, then you've got it right. For now, clear your screen.
2. Create the DESIRED picture. Imagine what you would look like when you have overcome your fear of the dentist, how will you be? Really see a picture of you of how you want to be. Check your facial expression, notice the rhythm of your breathing. You should be looking absolutely as if you truly have just been incredibly successful at your appointment – feeling the feelings really intensely, seeing what you can see, hearing the sounds and noticing any smells or textures. When you get it right, when it makes you feel good, allow yourself to enjoy it for a moment, then imagine it shrinking, becoming smaller and smaller, with the colours becoming less and less pronounced, until you are left with a small black-and-white picture the size of a postage stamp.
3. Pick up the CUE picture, and make sure it fills your entire vision, just as sharp, just as lifelike, just as 'squirm-making' as it was before, but with an important addition. The small, black-and-white SUCCESS picture is tucked into the bottom left-hand corner.
4. When you have that image clearly in your mind, just say to yourself:
'S-W-I-S-H', at the same time changing the pictures over in your mind so that the 'moment of achievement' becomes the large colour picture and the 'moment of anxiety' shrinks to the size of a postage stamp tucked into the bottom left-hand corner, becoming black-and-white as it does so. Speed is important! Change the pictures as quickly as you say ‘S-W-I-S-H’.
5. Enjoy the success picture for a few moments.
6. Think of a pink elephant – actually it doesn’t have to be a pink elephant but you do need to get an unrelated picture in your mind and this usually does the trick.
7. Now get the CUE picture back on your screen and repeat steps 3-6. After three or four attempts the cue picture will begin to fade or break up or have ragged edges. Repeat the sequence until the you simply cannot produce the moment of anxiety picture at all.

When that happens, you have programmed yourself for success, rather than failure. You will find that when you actually get to the event you have been working on, you will feel confident and easy, and able to give of your best as a result. It might all sound rather complicated at first, but you soon get used to it and it is worth persevering with. It is one of the most powerful 'quick-fix' methods in existence.
It is possible to work on this on your own but sometimes it is more effective when working with a trained practitioner.
This can used in other situations too. For an example, driving test fear. The moment of anxiety would be, perhaps, sitting in the car; looking very anxious, perhaps having trouble with the seat belt, the examiner looking stern. The feeling of 'nerves' could be included, too. The moment of achievement could be tearing up the 'L' plates, big smile on the face, congratulations from the examiner, a feeling of excitement and jubilation. Maybe even a congratulatory pat on the back from a friend. In these images, anything goes, as long as they give you absolutely the right feeling, both the anxiety and the jubilation.
The 'swish' technique can help you to excel in exams and other test situations; public speaking; sports performance; other games performance like snooker, darts, bowls, etc.. It can, in fact, help you deal with anything where you can create those two pictures.

Top Tips dental anxiety

Long lasting changes can be made easily and quickly with the NLP fast phobia technique and the SWISH, for which you may need a therapist or coach to guide you through.
Regular calming can be achieved with the breathing techniques which can be enhanced with EFT (emotional acupressure with affirmations). See below for more information on EFT.
Some problems (like a gagging reflex) may need a bit more work than others but change is possible for everyone!

Be persistent, keep focused and amzing things can happen.
If you'd like some help - give me a call!