This cycle is used in many fields including life changing career decisions, exercise regimes and addictions.
Doing: This is the daily, everyday routine activities - you are in equilibrium.
Contemplating: Questioning the ‘Doing’, becoming dissatisfied with the present - becoming curious about what could be different.
Preparing: Researching the possibilities, moving beyond daydreams and wishes to fact finding and goal setting.
Experimenting: End current ‘Doing’ activities and start a new set of activities. After a period of time this becomes the new ‘Doing’.
We are constantly being pulled back to the original ‘Doing’. The further round the wheel we get the stronger the pull. This stops mere flights of fancy, of the over exuberant, being acted upon: changes are usually made only after consideration and planning – but can prevent potentially good opportunities being taken by the overly cautious.
The time we make an irrevocable decision (eg selling the house in England to buy the hotel in Spain) is when the magnetic attraction of the original ‘doing is at its strongest. This point is known as crossing the Rubicon. This is when we move from ‘preparing’ to ‘experimenting’ and lasts until we move from ‘experimenting’ to the new ‘Doing’.
Attitudes that go along with returning to the old ‘Doing’ include: ‘dreamers are losers’, ‘get real’ and catastrophic fantasies. Emotions that go with these are fear and guilt and these emotions are often swiftly followed by regret.
If you return to the original doing your reasons for moving towards the new doing are not as compelling or well formed as the reasons you are moving away from the original doing. Every time you step off the existential cycle you learn something from that experience and the next time you step back on to the cycle you will be closer to reaching a new way of doing.
Addictions:
Doing: You are in love with your addiction. You see nothing wrong with it, make excuses for it: ‘ I can drink six pints and be safe to drive’, ‘my grandmother lived to 86 and smoked 60 a day’, ‘fat is beautiful’.
Contemplation: You have to perform your addictive activity more and more to achieve less effect and withdrawal seems harder and harder. Doubts begin to set in. You waver between wanting to stop and not wanting to stop. You stop for a while but it returns; it’s hard, or you don’t want to, make the break.
Preparing: Something tips the balance. You make an action plan
Experimenting: You attempt to cross the Rubicon, to change your ways, to avoid your old behaviour. You may seek help.
Now you may go to new ‘doing’ by staying stopped, or you may go back to any other point including the old doing (pre-contemplation). The doubts soon creep back in though and you have added to your skill-set about what works and what doesn’t around your unwanted activity.
Past attempts are stepping stones to future success.
Sunday 18 November 2007
Monday 5 November 2007
Doctors Use Acupressure Technique Instead of Drugs to Combat Emotional Eating
Press Release from EFT World Centre in San Francisco, CA (PRWEB)
--Why do people eat when they are not hungry?
According to the foundational theory of Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT), people overeat to tranquilize unresolved negative emotions and traumas. Recent research has established that obese people overeat because their food cravings are controlled by the same part of the brain that control drug cravings in addicts. This brain circuitry located in the hippocampus is also the part of the brain that is involved with emotion.Researchers are hopeful that these findings will point to new treatments for obesity and they acknowledge that dealing with emotions may be necessary. Meanwhile, people are already conquering food cravings and addictions by addressing their unresolved emotional issues with EFT– and they have been doing so for more than a decade. EFT involves fingertip tapping on select acupressure points while focusing on the craving in question. EFT claims an 80% success rate in calming the emotions that trigger food cravings.
Gary Craig, the Stanford-trained engineer who developed EFT, has noticed a marked increase in the number of research studies that link negative emotions to physical issues. “But it is not enough to just make that link,” says Craig. “People also need reliable, inexpensive and safe treatment options that will help them address negative emotions once and for all, thereby breaking the link to physical illness. For the last decade EFT has given people an effective, drug-free healing option with an 80 percent success rate.”Physician, Dr. Eric Robins says, "Some day the medical profession will wake up and realize that unresolved emotional issues are the main cause of 85% of all illnesses. When they do, EFT will be one of their primary healing tools ... as it is for me."In other medical news, pharmaceutical giant, Merck abandoned their anti-obesity drug MK-0577 when it failed to produce significant weight loss results in human clinical trials. Meanwhile, a French pharmaceutical company is awaiting US FDA approval for their “magic bullet for obesity” drug, rimonabant.In one year, this drug, plus a low calorie diet resulted in an average weight loss of less than 11 pounds in obese drug trial participants. Only those on a high dose of the drug had noteworthy weight loss and the accompanying side effects included nausea, diarrhea, headache, dizziness, joint pain as well as psychiatric and nervous system disorders.In contrast, when people use EFT for their food addictions, there are no drugs involved and even willpower is unnecessary if users connect with and resolve their emotional reasons for turning to unhealthy foods. In 80% of the cases immediate food cravings subside in moments. Craig acknowledges, “While this is not yet mainstream thinking, hundreds of doctors, psychiatrists and psychotherapists are using EFT to help their patients change their relationships with food.”Craig reports, “I see repeatedly that emotional issues like fear, anger, boredom, shame, and resentment are the very centerpiece of someone’s weight gain. But their emotional issues have remained unresolved despite willpower and conventional therapies. This is because the emotional issues have disrupted their energy meridian system (or Chi in Chinese Medicine). Until the energy system is balanced, the emotional eating will continue.”Over 400,000 people have downloaded Craig’s free training manual and another 10,000 download it each month, making it one of the fastest-growing healing modalities in the world. Known as The EFT Manual, it has been translated by volunteer practitioners into nine languages. The EFT website is the fourth most actively visited natural health site in the world.
--Why do people eat when they are not hungry?
According to the foundational theory of Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT), people overeat to tranquilize unresolved negative emotions and traumas. Recent research has established that obese people overeat because their food cravings are controlled by the same part of the brain that control drug cravings in addicts. This brain circuitry located in the hippocampus is also the part of the brain that is involved with emotion.Researchers are hopeful that these findings will point to new treatments for obesity and they acknowledge that dealing with emotions may be necessary. Meanwhile, people are already conquering food cravings and addictions by addressing their unresolved emotional issues with EFT– and they have been doing so for more than a decade. EFT involves fingertip tapping on select acupressure points while focusing on the craving in question. EFT claims an 80% success rate in calming the emotions that trigger food cravings.
Gary Craig, the Stanford-trained engineer who developed EFT, has noticed a marked increase in the number of research studies that link negative emotions to physical issues. “But it is not enough to just make that link,” says Craig. “People also need reliable, inexpensive and safe treatment options that will help them address negative emotions once and for all, thereby breaking the link to physical illness. For the last decade EFT has given people an effective, drug-free healing option with an 80 percent success rate.”Physician, Dr. Eric Robins says, "Some day the medical profession will wake up and realize that unresolved emotional issues are the main cause of 85% of all illnesses. When they do, EFT will be one of their primary healing tools ... as it is for me."In other medical news, pharmaceutical giant, Merck abandoned their anti-obesity drug MK-0577 when it failed to produce significant weight loss results in human clinical trials. Meanwhile, a French pharmaceutical company is awaiting US FDA approval for their “magic bullet for obesity” drug, rimonabant.In one year, this drug, plus a low calorie diet resulted in an average weight loss of less than 11 pounds in obese drug trial participants. Only those on a high dose of the drug had noteworthy weight loss and the accompanying side effects included nausea, diarrhea, headache, dizziness, joint pain as well as psychiatric and nervous system disorders.In contrast, when people use EFT for their food addictions, there are no drugs involved and even willpower is unnecessary if users connect with and resolve their emotional reasons for turning to unhealthy foods. In 80% of the cases immediate food cravings subside in moments. Craig acknowledges, “While this is not yet mainstream thinking, hundreds of doctors, psychiatrists and psychotherapists are using EFT to help their patients change their relationships with food.”Craig reports, “I see repeatedly that emotional issues like fear, anger, boredom, shame, and resentment are the very centerpiece of someone’s weight gain. But their emotional issues have remained unresolved despite willpower and conventional therapies. This is because the emotional issues have disrupted their energy meridian system (or Chi in Chinese Medicine). Until the energy system is balanced, the emotional eating will continue.”Over 400,000 people have downloaded Craig’s free training manual and another 10,000 download it each month, making it one of the fastest-growing healing modalities in the world. Known as The EFT Manual, it has been translated by volunteer practitioners into nine languages. The EFT website is the fourth most actively visited natural health site in the world.
Saturday 27 October 2007
Katharines Creations
Click on the 'Katharines Creations' link to view my new creative blog.I'll post pictures and photos from the last few years and you can track my progress as I work through a drawing course.
Tuesday 16 October 2007
Dental Fear and Anxiety - Tip 3: Easy Breathing for Relaxation
The 7:11 Breathing Pattern
Whether you are thinking about making an appointment, you are in the waiting room or in the chair many people find that the easiest way to relax is to concentrate on their own breathing.
It is a special type of breathing, not into your chest but deep into your tummy or diaphragm which is below your chest. Experience this now.
Sit down and close your eyes for a little while. Just become aware of your breathing. Make sure you are sitting or lying in a comfortable position with your hands resting in your lap or by your side and your legs un-crossed.
Concentrate on being aware of your feet on the floor, your arms, legs, head wherever they are resting.
Make each out breath last longer than the in breaths. This causes stimulation of the part of your nervous system responsible for relaxation. This is a basic law of biology and if you breathe in this way then your body will have no choice but to relax.
Your body will respond regardless of what your mind is thinking.
Now count to 7 as you breathe in and 11 as you breathe out, concentrate on counting to keep your mind focused, welcome the sense of calm gradually flowing in.
Do this 10-20 times knowing you will relax more with each breath.
It may be a little difficult at first and you may like someone to guide you through it until you are familiar with it, but doing this regularly causes your general anxiety level to come down. You may also find that you begin to breathe this way automatically if you feel anxious. Regular relaxation actually starts to inhibit the production of stress hormones in the body so it actually becomes harder and harder to panic. As you become more generally relaxed the 'baseline' of arousal from which you are starting lowers. It actually becomes harder to get stressed!
You can gain much more control over panic attacks.
Whether you are thinking about making an appointment, you are in the waiting room or in the chair many people find that the easiest way to relax is to concentrate on their own breathing.
It is a special type of breathing, not into your chest but deep into your tummy or diaphragm which is below your chest. Experience this now.
Sit down and close your eyes for a little while. Just become aware of your breathing. Make sure you are sitting or lying in a comfortable position with your hands resting in your lap or by your side and your legs un-crossed.
Concentrate on being aware of your feet on the floor, your arms, legs, head wherever they are resting.
Make each out breath last longer than the in breaths. This causes stimulation of the part of your nervous system responsible for relaxation. This is a basic law of biology and if you breathe in this way then your body will have no choice but to relax.
Your body will respond regardless of what your mind is thinking.
Now count to 7 as you breathe in and 11 as you breathe out, concentrate on counting to keep your mind focused, welcome the sense of calm gradually flowing in.
Do this 10-20 times knowing you will relax more with each breath.
It may be a little difficult at first and you may like someone to guide you through it until you are familiar with it, but doing this regularly causes your general anxiety level to come down. You may also find that you begin to breathe this way automatically if you feel anxious. Regular relaxation actually starts to inhibit the production of stress hormones in the body so it actually becomes harder and harder to panic. As you become more generally relaxed the 'baseline' of arousal from which you are starting lowers. It actually becomes harder to get stressed!
You can gain much more control over panic attacks.
Dental Fear and Anxiety - Tip 2: Fast Phobia Cure
Fast Phobia Technique, also known as the re-wind technique
Identify the particular aspect of your visit to the dentist you are phobic about and gauge you level of anxiety on a scale of 1 – 10.
Remember that you feel safe and comfortable before and after the event.
I want you to imagine yourself seated in the middle of a cinema and up on the screen, you can see a small black and white snapshot of yourself in a situation just before you experience your fear of a dental visit identified in (1.)
Now, I would like you to imagine that you float out of your body sitting in the cinema seat and back into the projection booth, so you can see yourself sitting in the middle of the cinema looking at the black and white snapshot of yourself on the screen.
Keeping the snapshot small, turn it into a black and white movie running all the way through that experience in which you used to have a phobic response. Let it run all the way to the end until the moment the event is over and you are feeling safe and comfortable, freeze it as a still image.
Float from the projection booth and float from your seat and into the screen and into your body at the end of the movie.
Turn the snapshot to colour and looking through your own eyes run the film backwards at four times the normal speed, so all the action is moving backwards, all the sounds are played backwards, remember you are IN the movie and experiencing it. Play it all the way back to the moment before the event when you felt safe and comfortable.
Repeat steps 4 to 7 a few times until you feel more comfortable. Increase the speed of playback in step 7 and add some comedy music if you like.
Now imagine your next visit to the dentist and really go into detail about the aspects you are most concerned about. Gauge you anxiety on a scale of 1 – 10. Repeat until you are at 0!
As for the swish it is possible to work on this on your own but sometimes it is more effective when working with a trained practitioner.
Identify the particular aspect of your visit to the dentist you are phobic about and gauge you level of anxiety on a scale of 1 – 10.
Remember that you feel safe and comfortable before and after the event.
I want you to imagine yourself seated in the middle of a cinema and up on the screen, you can see a small black and white snapshot of yourself in a situation just before you experience your fear of a dental visit identified in (1.)
Now, I would like you to imagine that you float out of your body sitting in the cinema seat and back into the projection booth, so you can see yourself sitting in the middle of the cinema looking at the black and white snapshot of yourself on the screen.
Keeping the snapshot small, turn it into a black and white movie running all the way through that experience in which you used to have a phobic response. Let it run all the way to the end until the moment the event is over and you are feeling safe and comfortable, freeze it as a still image.
Float from the projection booth and float from your seat and into the screen and into your body at the end of the movie.
Turn the snapshot to colour and looking through your own eyes run the film backwards at four times the normal speed, so all the action is moving backwards, all the sounds are played backwards, remember you are IN the movie and experiencing it. Play it all the way back to the moment before the event when you felt safe and comfortable.
Repeat steps 4 to 7 a few times until you feel more comfortable. Increase the speed of playback in step 7 and add some comedy music if you like.
Now imagine your next visit to the dentist and really go into detail about the aspects you are most concerned about. Gauge you anxiety on a scale of 1 – 10. Repeat until you are at 0!
As for the swish it is possible to work on this on your own but sometimes it is more effective when working with a trained practitioner.
Dental Fear and Anxiety - Tip 2: Swish
The Swish technique
As well as Dental fear and phobia this is used for a great many purposes by successful people all over the world. It is particularly suitable to help you deal with 'one-off' situations where you need a confidence boost, although there are many other times when it may be useful.
To use it successfully, you need to be wide awake and in a place where you will not be disturbed.
1. Create the CUE picture. Close your eyes. Steady your breathing and relax your body as much as you can for a minute or two. Now create, in your mind's eye, a projector screen, and on it get an image of you what you see when you become frightened of a dental visit. It must be as vivid and sharp as you can make it, filling your whole vision, the colours bright and alive, with you looking just as uncomfortable as you can possibly imagine. Make it seem like an enormous colour slide being projected in your mind, and include anything that will make it more lifelike; other people around you, their expressions, the scenery, listen out for sounds, notice the smells, experience what you are ‘touching’, feel the emotions. When you have that picture vivid enough that it actually makes you squirm, then you've got it right. For now, clear your screen.
2. Create the DESIRED picture. Imagine what you would look like when you have overcome your fear of the dentist, how will you be? Really see a picture of you of how you want to be. Check your facial expression, notice the rhythm of your breathing. You should be looking absolutely as if you truly have just been incredibly successful at your appointment – feeling the feelings really intensely, seeing what you can see, hearing the sounds and noticing any smells or textures. When you get it right, when it makes you feel good, allow yourself to enjoy it for a moment, then imagine it shrinking, becoming smaller and smaller, with the colours becoming less and less pronounced, until you are left with a small black-and-white picture the size of a postage stamp.
3. Pick up the CUE picture, and make sure it fills your entire vision, just as sharp, just as lifelike, just as 'squirm-making' as it was before, but with an important addition. The small, black-and-white SUCCESS picture is tucked into the bottom left-hand corner.
4. When you have that image clearly in your mind, just say to yourself:
'S-W-I-S-H', at the same time changing the pictures over in your mind so that the 'moment of achievement' becomes the large colour picture and the 'moment of anxiety' shrinks to the size of a postage stamp tucked into the bottom left-hand corner, becoming black-and-white as it does so. Speed is important! Change the pictures as quickly as you say ‘S-W-I-S-H’.
5. Enjoy the success picture for a few moments.
6. Think of a pink elephant – actually it doesn’t have to be a pink elephant but you do need to get an unrelated picture in your mind and this usually does the trick.
7. Now get the CUE picture back on your screen and repeat steps 3-6. After three or four attempts the cue picture will begin to fade or break up or have ragged edges. Repeat the sequence until the you simply cannot produce the moment of anxiety picture at all.
When that happens, you have programmed yourself for success, rather than failure. You will find that when you actually get to the event you have been working on, you will feel confident and easy, and able to give of your best as a result. It might all sound rather complicated at first, but you soon get used to it and it is worth persevering with. It is one of the most powerful 'quick-fix' methods in existence.
It is possible to work on this on your own but sometimes it is more effective when working with a trained practitioner.
This can used in other situations too. For an example, driving test fear. The moment of anxiety would be, perhaps, sitting in the car; looking very anxious, perhaps having trouble with the seat belt, the examiner looking stern. The feeling of 'nerves' could be included, too. The moment of achievement could be tearing up the 'L' plates, big smile on the face, congratulations from the examiner, a feeling of excitement and jubilation. Maybe even a congratulatory pat on the back from a friend. In these images, anything goes, as long as they give you absolutely the right feeling, both the anxiety and the jubilation.
The 'swish' technique can help you to excel in exams and other test situations; public speaking; sports performance; other games performance like snooker, darts, bowls, etc.. It can, in fact, help you deal with anything where you can create those two pictures.
As well as Dental fear and phobia this is used for a great many purposes by successful people all over the world. It is particularly suitable to help you deal with 'one-off' situations where you need a confidence boost, although there are many other times when it may be useful.
To use it successfully, you need to be wide awake and in a place where you will not be disturbed.
1. Create the CUE picture. Close your eyes. Steady your breathing and relax your body as much as you can for a minute or two. Now create, in your mind's eye, a projector screen, and on it get an image of you what you see when you become frightened of a dental visit. It must be as vivid and sharp as you can make it, filling your whole vision, the colours bright and alive, with you looking just as uncomfortable as you can possibly imagine. Make it seem like an enormous colour slide being projected in your mind, and include anything that will make it more lifelike; other people around you, their expressions, the scenery, listen out for sounds, notice the smells, experience what you are ‘touching’, feel the emotions. When you have that picture vivid enough that it actually makes you squirm, then you've got it right. For now, clear your screen.
2. Create the DESIRED picture. Imagine what you would look like when you have overcome your fear of the dentist, how will you be? Really see a picture of you of how you want to be. Check your facial expression, notice the rhythm of your breathing. You should be looking absolutely as if you truly have just been incredibly successful at your appointment – feeling the feelings really intensely, seeing what you can see, hearing the sounds and noticing any smells or textures. When you get it right, when it makes you feel good, allow yourself to enjoy it for a moment, then imagine it shrinking, becoming smaller and smaller, with the colours becoming less and less pronounced, until you are left with a small black-and-white picture the size of a postage stamp.
3. Pick up the CUE picture, and make sure it fills your entire vision, just as sharp, just as lifelike, just as 'squirm-making' as it was before, but with an important addition. The small, black-and-white SUCCESS picture is tucked into the bottom left-hand corner.
4. When you have that image clearly in your mind, just say to yourself:
'S-W-I-S-H', at the same time changing the pictures over in your mind so that the 'moment of achievement' becomes the large colour picture and the 'moment of anxiety' shrinks to the size of a postage stamp tucked into the bottom left-hand corner, becoming black-and-white as it does so. Speed is important! Change the pictures as quickly as you say ‘S-W-I-S-H’.
5. Enjoy the success picture for a few moments.
6. Think of a pink elephant – actually it doesn’t have to be a pink elephant but you do need to get an unrelated picture in your mind and this usually does the trick.
7. Now get the CUE picture back on your screen and repeat steps 3-6. After three or four attempts the cue picture will begin to fade or break up or have ragged edges. Repeat the sequence until the you simply cannot produce the moment of anxiety picture at all.
When that happens, you have programmed yourself for success, rather than failure. You will find that when you actually get to the event you have been working on, you will feel confident and easy, and able to give of your best as a result. It might all sound rather complicated at first, but you soon get used to it and it is worth persevering with. It is one of the most powerful 'quick-fix' methods in existence.
It is possible to work on this on your own but sometimes it is more effective when working with a trained practitioner.
This can used in other situations too. For an example, driving test fear. The moment of anxiety would be, perhaps, sitting in the car; looking very anxious, perhaps having trouble with the seat belt, the examiner looking stern. The feeling of 'nerves' could be included, too. The moment of achievement could be tearing up the 'L' plates, big smile on the face, congratulations from the examiner, a feeling of excitement and jubilation. Maybe even a congratulatory pat on the back from a friend. In these images, anything goes, as long as they give you absolutely the right feeling, both the anxiety and the jubilation.
The 'swish' technique can help you to excel in exams and other test situations; public speaking; sports performance; other games performance like snooker, darts, bowls, etc.. It can, in fact, help you deal with anything where you can create those two pictures.
Monday 8 October 2007
Top Tips dental anxiety
Long lasting changes can be made easily and quickly with the NLP fast phobia technique and the SWISH, for which you may need a therapist or coach to guide you through.
Regular calming can be achieved with the breathing techniques which can be enhanced with EFT (emotional acupressure with affirmations). See below for more information on EFT.
Some problems (like a gagging reflex) may need a bit more work than others but change is possible for everyone!
Be persistent, keep focused and amzing things can happen.
If you'd like some help - give me a call!
Regular calming can be achieved with the breathing techniques which can be enhanced with EFT (emotional acupressure with affirmations). See below for more information on EFT.
Some problems (like a gagging reflex) may need a bit more work than others but change is possible for everyone!
Be persistent, keep focused and amzing things can happen.
If you'd like some help - give me a call!
Wednesday 5 September 2007
Why happiness is like sleep
If you follow my advice in an earlier post you will be writing a gratitude diary. By looking for anything positive outside of yourself - in others and in your environment your mindset will change for the better.
Many people say they just want to be happy and they search for 'happiness'.
Happiness is a little like sleep.
You may crave sleep, you may feel deprived of sleep, you do all you can to get sleep you make the environment suitable, you prepare your mind and your body for sleep but when sleep comes you are not aware you are experiencing it. When you wake, however, and have had a restful night you know this and you feel refreshed.
Seeking happiness as an entity in itself just won't work, there are certain factors which must be in place for happiness to happen. According to leading psychologist Martin Seligman, in order to be happy you need a mixture of three elements:
- Be happy about the past
Nurture positive emotions associated with the past. Look for these emotions in your memories - satisfaction, contentment, pride, serenity.
If this is hard for you, with timeline therapy, EFT, NLP and Hypnosis negative emotions can be released from painful memories, phobias and trauma and you can be shown how to add positive emotions in other areas.
- Be happy about the future
Create compelling goals for your future.
Nurture positive emotions of optimism, hope, confidence, trust and faith.
As for your past memories, events in your future can be seen as 'future memories' and treated in the same way.
- Be happy about the present
In the present happiness comes in two ways: pleasures and gratifications
Pleasures - things that give short bursts of pleasure like buying a treat, eating chocolate
They can be bodily and are momentary, sensory, subjective 'scrumptious'
Or they can be higher, more complex and learned but still momentary - offering bliss, thrills, excitement, fun, comfort and relaxation.
Now, these should be savoured as the pleasures are not long lasting and cannot be relied upon, or the temporary burst of pleasure will be sought over and over again with diminishing returns of pleasure. This spiral of behaviour can become compulsive, produce cravings and withdrawal symptoms, leading to addictive behaviour in anything from watching TV, browsing the internet, to shopping, eating, smoking, drug taking, gambling and even exercising. Addiction and all compulsive behaviours begin when certain emotional needs are not being met and can be 'busted' given the right help.
Gratifications - achieved through activities rather than feelings: rock climbing, reading, dance, good conversation.
Gratifications are activities that are absorbing., your self-consciousness id blocked and you actually feel no emotion while you are engaged in the activity, time flies by.
This state is called 'flow'.
Looking back at the activity you may think, 'Wow!' and feel positive emotions as you reflect on what you have done, while using and developing your personal strengths and resources.
Using your strengths in your life and work, recrafting your roles in both if necessary; ideally in the service of something larger than yourself and savouring the positive feelings from pleasures is how you can derive abundant gratification and authentic happiness.
Many people say they just want to be happy and they search for 'happiness'.
Happiness is a little like sleep.
You may crave sleep, you may feel deprived of sleep, you do all you can to get sleep you make the environment suitable, you prepare your mind and your body for sleep but when sleep comes you are not aware you are experiencing it. When you wake, however, and have had a restful night you know this and you feel refreshed.
Seeking happiness as an entity in itself just won't work, there are certain factors which must be in place for happiness to happen. According to leading psychologist Martin Seligman, in order to be happy you need a mixture of three elements:
- Be happy about the past
Nurture positive emotions associated with the past. Look for these emotions in your memories - satisfaction, contentment, pride, serenity.
If this is hard for you, with timeline therapy, EFT, NLP and Hypnosis negative emotions can be released from painful memories, phobias and trauma and you can be shown how to add positive emotions in other areas.
- Be happy about the future
Create compelling goals for your future.
Nurture positive emotions of optimism, hope, confidence, trust and faith.
As for your past memories, events in your future can be seen as 'future memories' and treated in the same way.
- Be happy about the present
In the present happiness comes in two ways: pleasures and gratifications
Pleasures - things that give short bursts of pleasure like buying a treat, eating chocolate
They can be bodily and are momentary, sensory, subjective 'scrumptious'
Or they can be higher, more complex and learned but still momentary - offering bliss, thrills, excitement, fun, comfort and relaxation.
Now, these should be savoured as the pleasures are not long lasting and cannot be relied upon, or the temporary burst of pleasure will be sought over and over again with diminishing returns of pleasure. This spiral of behaviour can become compulsive, produce cravings and withdrawal symptoms, leading to addictive behaviour in anything from watching TV, browsing the internet, to shopping, eating, smoking, drug taking, gambling and even exercising. Addiction and all compulsive behaviours begin when certain emotional needs are not being met and can be 'busted' given the right help.
Gratifications - achieved through activities rather than feelings: rock climbing, reading, dance, good conversation.
Gratifications are activities that are absorbing., your self-consciousness id blocked and you actually feel no emotion while you are engaged in the activity, time flies by.
This state is called 'flow'.
Looking back at the activity you may think, 'Wow!' and feel positive emotions as you reflect on what you have done, while using and developing your personal strengths and resources.
Using your strengths in your life and work, recrafting your roles in both if necessary; ideally in the service of something larger than yourself and savouring the positive feelings from pleasures is how you can derive abundant gratification and authentic happiness.
Friday 20 July 2007
How to make your children happy! Part 2: Don't Say NO!
Let's think about this one for a moment...don't say know to your children! That sounds a bit dangerous, doesn't it! And doesn't that stand counter to my previous advise about praise?
Here's when not to say no:
When it inconveniences you.
When you could say yes but 'no' seems easier.
When you could offer an alternative - a positive choice.
When you might say yes later.
Here's why you shouldn't say no:
No implies danger and restriction.
No ends things.
There is no activity with 'no'.
No is an empty world with no possibilities.
If your child always hears no from you, they will expect a no when they encounter new stuations.
No teaches you nothing and denies experience and learning.
Save 'no' for danger.
Here's when not to say no:
When it inconveniences you.
When you could say yes but 'no' seems easier.
When you could offer an alternative - a positive choice.
When you might say yes later.
Here's why you shouldn't say no:
No implies danger and restriction.
No ends things.
There is no activity with 'no'.
No is an empty world with no possibilities.
If your child always hears no from you, they will expect a no when they encounter new stuations.
No teaches you nothing and denies experience and learning.
Save 'no' for danger.
Tuesday 17 July 2007
Make love your golden rule
Ask yourself:
'Does love drive this decision or behaviour of mine?'
If you can answer 'Yes'
you can't go wrong, can you?
'Does love drive this decision or behaviour of mine?'
If you can answer 'Yes'
you can't go wrong, can you?
Thursday 12 July 2007
How to make your children happy! Part 1: Praise
Give your child 100% unconditional positive regard will make them happy
err no!
Constant unmittigated praise is as likely to produce insecure emotionally unhealthy individuals as constant criticism.
Persistant praise makes for a passive child. Why bother when you'll be praised all the time whatever you do or don't do? however well or pooorly you have performed?
Why listen to your parents when you really need praise (or an opinion) when your parent appears to not be capable of making a judgement or holding a valid opinion?
A child cannot learn from failures or successes in that environment.
100% unconditional love warmth and affection - that's another matter...
We all need that! And an environment of positive emotion will produce a secure individual.
Conditional praise, praise that fits the circumstance or achievement, may lead to disappointment sometimes but means your children don't become helpless. They learn their actions have an impact on themselves and others and you, as a parent, have credibility.
err no!
Constant unmittigated praise is as likely to produce insecure emotionally unhealthy individuals as constant criticism.
Persistant praise makes for a passive child. Why bother when you'll be praised all the time whatever you do or don't do? however well or pooorly you have performed?
Why listen to your parents when you really need praise (or an opinion) when your parent appears to not be capable of making a judgement or holding a valid opinion?
A child cannot learn from failures or successes in that environment.
100% unconditional love warmth and affection - that's another matter...
We all need that! And an environment of positive emotion will produce a secure individual.
Conditional praise, praise that fits the circumstance or achievement, may lead to disappointment sometimes but means your children don't become helpless. They learn their actions have an impact on themselves and others and you, as a parent, have credibility.
Friday 6 July 2007
Outcome focused therapy and coaching
I had an interesting discussion with someone who has been on an introduction to counselling course and is now regularly seeing a counsellor. He sees a counsellor every month to deal with issues relating to his childhood which he believes is holding him back now. He said that they quite often revisit the same themes or events - which was good, he thought. And 'it was helping' but would take along time.
I asked if there was any objective or purpose set out either at the beginning of the counselling process or at each session, there isn't. I asked what he was hoping to get out of the process - the answer was understanding, but that was vague (understanding who, what, why?) , he thought if he understood, he could move forward, but there appears to be no strategy for dealing with the future, or any idea when that would happen.
How can you tell if it 'is helping' if you don't have a stated outcome?
Which of these scenarios is a better strategy for planning a holiday?
1 - Would you decide to go on holiday and book a taxi without a destination in mind?
2 - Would you ask a travel agent to recommend a holiday detination and take their advice that first you should go back to all the holidays you had been on that were not enjoyable and come back after each one to see how you feel about them.
3 - Would you ask a travel agent to recommend a holiday destination and take their advice that you should look at what you have enjoyed in the past, what you enjoy doing now, what you want to achieve from you holiday and what resources you have to get there. And set a plan for a holiday with that information.
I prefer to work with people by looking at why and how their emotional needs are not being met NOW. This can be due to negative emotions attached to events of the past weighing them down; limiting beliefs and limiting decisions based on emotional reactions to events or experiences in the past or internal conflicts.
Using NLP, Time Line Therapy and EFT negative emotions can be removed from the past, removing all the effort your mind uses to keep them under wraps and letting you use that energy in a positive way.
We can't change events that have happened but we can change how we feel about them NOW - and without spending years or months analysing those events.
Having removed negative emotions and beliefs we are now in a position to look to the future, remove anxiety and set positive, compelling goals and then work back from the future, to 'now', to see how those goals can be achieved.
With NLP the point is, there are strategies and tools we can use to create big results, quickly. It doesn't have to take years, and it doesn't have to hurt to work!
A journey to Cornwall on the M4-M5 in a modern family car, with SAT_NAV, takes about 5 hours from London. If you were to have taken that journey by pushbike, without a map, in 1907 it would take considerably longer, you may have got lost along the way and would have been much more uncomfortable.
You get more of what you focus on - if you are constantly looking for problems and obstacles you will find them. If you are loooking at what results you want and how you can get them - you will find a way!
I asked if there was any objective or purpose set out either at the beginning of the counselling process or at each session, there isn't. I asked what he was hoping to get out of the process - the answer was understanding, but that was vague (understanding who, what, why?) , he thought if he understood, he could move forward, but there appears to be no strategy for dealing with the future, or any idea when that would happen.
How can you tell if it 'is helping' if you don't have a stated outcome?
Which of these scenarios is a better strategy for planning a holiday?
1 - Would you decide to go on holiday and book a taxi without a destination in mind?
2 - Would you ask a travel agent to recommend a holiday detination and take their advice that first you should go back to all the holidays you had been on that were not enjoyable and come back after each one to see how you feel about them.
3 - Would you ask a travel agent to recommend a holiday destination and take their advice that you should look at what you have enjoyed in the past, what you enjoy doing now, what you want to achieve from you holiday and what resources you have to get there. And set a plan for a holiday with that information.
I prefer to work with people by looking at why and how their emotional needs are not being met NOW. This can be due to negative emotions attached to events of the past weighing them down; limiting beliefs and limiting decisions based on emotional reactions to events or experiences in the past or internal conflicts.
Using NLP, Time Line Therapy and EFT negative emotions can be removed from the past, removing all the effort your mind uses to keep them under wraps and letting you use that energy in a positive way.
We can't change events that have happened but we can change how we feel about them NOW - and without spending years or months analysing those events.
Having removed negative emotions and beliefs we are now in a position to look to the future, remove anxiety and set positive, compelling goals and then work back from the future, to 'now', to see how those goals can be achieved.
With NLP the point is, there are strategies and tools we can use to create big results, quickly. It doesn't have to take years, and it doesn't have to hurt to work!
A journey to Cornwall on the M4-M5 in a modern family car, with SAT_NAV, takes about 5 hours from London. If you were to have taken that journey by pushbike, without a map, in 1907 it would take considerably longer, you may have got lost along the way and would have been much more uncomfortable.
You get more of what you focus on - if you are constantly looking for problems and obstacles you will find them. If you are loooking at what results you want and how you can get them - you will find a way!
Friday 15 June 2007
Dental Fear and Anxiety
I was the speaker at study group for dentists recently.
The aim of the evening was to give the dentists tangible tools they could use with their patients and to explain what further change I could achieve by working with patients with more intense anxiety.
1 in 3 adults in the UK have a moderate to severe dental anxiety, this fear is rooted in as many causes as patients within some broad categories discussed in the session.
The fallout affects patients, dentists and their staff as well as family and friends as people can retreat socially through the shame of having 'bad teeth' or are not able to function normally due to persistent pain.
The emotional state of a patient has an impact on their visit - stress can cause a chain reaction!
Treatment is more likely to go well if the dentist and dental nurse as well as the patient are calm, and there are many ways that a visit to the dentist can be easier for everyone, with no contra-indications and without the need for sedation.
The aim of the evening was to give the dentists tangible tools they could use with their patients and to explain what further change I could achieve by working with patients with more intense anxiety.
1 in 3 adults in the UK have a moderate to severe dental anxiety, this fear is rooted in as many causes as patients within some broad categories discussed in the session.
The fallout affects patients, dentists and their staff as well as family and friends as people can retreat socially through the shame of having 'bad teeth' or are not able to function normally due to persistent pain.
The emotional state of a patient has an impact on their visit - stress can cause a chain reaction!
Treatment is more likely to go well if the dentist and dental nurse as well as the patient are calm, and there are many ways that a visit to the dentist can be easier for everyone, with no contra-indications and without the need for sedation.
Rapport with the patients is vitally important:
- the tone and nature of written correspondence
- the manner and communication style of the receptionist on the phone and in person
- the physical environment of the reception, waiting area and surgery (attention should be paid to all senses not just the visual, but also auditory, kinaesthetic and olfactory)
- the communication style of the dentist with the patient and the dental nurse (a nervous patient doesn't want to hear a dentist being unclear over a which materials or instruments to use in a procedure!)
Specific use of language enables understanding while communication style as a whole is important in this environment as words themselves will contribute to only 7% of meaning: attention must be paid to tonality and physiology.
Therapists can help a dental practice in this process:
- by working with the team at a dental practice in skills of rapport- showing how a patient can be led to a more relaxed state
- by teaching the team about communication styles
- training staff in techniques of guided imagery
- training staff in simple but powerful and effective techniques of NLP and EFT to work with their patients
- working with a practice to develop strategies for specific patients
- working with patients immediatly prior to, and during, treatment
Therapists can help dental patients by
- working with dental patients with more severe anxiety or phobia away from the dental practice and build towards coming to the practice
- working with patients who have persistent and chronic pain for which no physiological cause can be found
- relieve negative emotions associated with the state of their teeth or signifcant emotional events that preceeded the dental condition.
Phobias are an overwhelming and unwarranted fear of an event or situation. They are so easily and quickly resolved using NLP and EFT techniques that no-one should suffer from phobias of any kind any more!
Dental phobia is no different, visiting a dentist should be seen as an ordinary appointment: a routine, commonplace event. What has happened in our society is that visits to dentists tend to have a huge amount of emtion attached to them which is neither warranted or helpful.
Friday 18 May 2007
Gratitude
Things I'm gratful for today
the sun shining
the sun shining on my son's first day of a trip to Wales
the truancy phone call from my son's school being a mistake
my husband says he'll be home in time for me to collect my christian aid envelopes tonight
that I have sky multi-room and if I want to watch television tonight it won't have to be football!
my children all hugged me tenderly today without prompting
a child smiled at me in the school playground
the ladies in the fabric shop were helpful
a neighbour made a point of coming over to say hello when I was shopping
a friendly exchange in the art shop
I've had positive posts on an NLP on-line forumthe printer worked OK (it often doesn't)
traffic was good
I remembered which pump I used when I got my diesel (so I didn't look like a fool! - I often do that!)
see comments for more gratitude!
Wednesday 16 May 2007
The value of Happiness
Just looking outside of yourself for reasons to be happy will make you happier.
So simple and so true.
There is a motto worth remembering: 'your persistent thoughts become your reality'
Make a 'gratitude diary' (advice in Martin Seligman's 'Authentic Happiness')
every day write at least three things - big or small that you are grateful for (the sun coming up every day to being able to find your keys)
Within two weeks you will be happier!
There is another way people look for happiness in two weeks - it usually involves spending several hundred pounds, leaving your home, putting yourself through security checks, hanging around in souless places, anxiety over lost tickets, traffic jams and the size of your inbox on your return...you get the idea. Holidays are great but you work hard to organise them and before you know it it's just a memory and some photos.
Holidays are given great value and prestige in part because they have financial value.
Happiness in the present can become happiness in every present moment...and you don't need to pay out the cost of a holiday.
Be happy in the moment - this moment - right now!
So simple and so true.
There is a motto worth remembering: 'your persistent thoughts become your reality'
Make a 'gratitude diary' (advice in Martin Seligman's 'Authentic Happiness')
every day write at least three things - big or small that you are grateful for (the sun coming up every day to being able to find your keys)
Within two weeks you will be happier!
There is another way people look for happiness in two weeks - it usually involves spending several hundred pounds, leaving your home, putting yourself through security checks, hanging around in souless places, anxiety over lost tickets, traffic jams and the size of your inbox on your return...you get the idea. Holidays are great but you work hard to organise them and before you know it it's just a memory and some photos.
Holidays are given great value and prestige in part because they have financial value.
Happiness in the present can become happiness in every present moment...and you don't need to pay out the cost of a holiday.
Be happy in the moment - this moment - right now!
Saturday 12 May 2007
EFT
EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) was originally designed to reduce the psychotherapy process from months and years down to minutes and hours. From there it was discovered that astonishing physical healings also occurred. Symptoms faded for everything from Migraine Headaches to Cancer. Complete details are given on the EFT website (see my links). It often works where nothing else will.
I have had success with cravings, phobias, pain, muscle twitching, nervousness and anxiety, insomnia and fear.
The technique is simple (it is that 'weird tapping thing' you may have seen on TV), but must be applied with careful thought to the root cause, being specific and continuing to persist until all the trees in the metaphorical forest have been felled!
I have had success with cravings, phobias, pain, muscle twitching, nervousness and anxiety, insomnia and fear.
The technique is simple (it is that 'weird tapping thing' you may have seen on TV), but must be applied with careful thought to the root cause, being specific and continuing to persist until all the trees in the metaphorical forest have been felled!
About me
Welcome to my blog!
In my blog you can follow my path in my world of NLP, Time Line Therapy (TM) Hypnosis and EFT.
You can also see my creative endeavours, I draw, paint and take photos.
I also intend to show how I follow my own advice and you will see examples of 'homework' I have done that I set my clients.
My company is called Positive Change Now, I set it up to help people make positive changes to their lives and work.
Everyone changes all the time, often people want to change and don't know how, that's where I come in.
My therapy and coaching work is light hearted, fun, creative and positive - positive emotions are known to counteract negative emotions - and always highly focused on specific outcomes and goals.
Serious results!
When someone makes a change they get a buzz - and that what drives me, because I share that buzz everytime!
my website is www.positivechangenow.co.uk
email me at katharine@positivechangenow.co.uk
find out more about EFT at http://www.emofree.com/a/?3460
In my blog you can follow my path in my world of NLP, Time Line Therapy (TM) Hypnosis and EFT.
You can also see my creative endeavours, I draw, paint and take photos.
I also intend to show how I follow my own advice and you will see examples of 'homework' I have done that I set my clients.
My company is called Positive Change Now, I set it up to help people make positive changes to their lives and work.
Everyone changes all the time, often people want to change and don't know how, that's where I come in.
My therapy and coaching work is light hearted, fun, creative and positive - positive emotions are known to counteract negative emotions - and always highly focused on specific outcomes and goals.
Serious results!
When someone makes a change they get a buzz - and that what drives me, because I share that buzz everytime!
my website is www.positivechangenow.co.uk
email me at katharine@positivechangenow.co.uk
find out more about EFT at http://www.emofree.com/a/?3460
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