The role of peace and hope in happiness

There are so many factors that contribute to happiness, many of which depend upon how you think and act NOW in the present. But this post is about the past and the future.
Can you be happy now if you are haunted by events from the past? If you are traumatised by stressful events from your childhood - or even last month? Or if you have unresolved issues or relationships that impact on your current actions and relationships.
Can you imagine being happy now if you are worried about what will happen in the future? This includes events that you know will happen and you are worried about how you will cope with them, for example, or events that you fear may happen.

Happiness now depends upon being at peace with past - including forgiving yourself and others.
Happiness now depends upon having hope for the future.

Don't shut the skeletons of anger, sadness, fear, guilt, regret and hurt in your emotional closet. The effort of keeping them under lock and key is draining and stressful. Re-frame the negative emotions and events, or work out a way of seeing them from a more positive perspective. The negativity isn't helpful to you now. The negative stuff from the past weighs you down and the negative way you are viewing the future is holding you back. Doing this is not always straightforward so I will address reframing and belief change in future posts.

Negative emotions can always be overrided by positive ones, and here is one way of accessing authentic happiness from your memories. A more involved version of this process is used to permanently remove negative emotions from events. For now, though, let's focus on savouring a happy memory.

Think of a specific happy memory in the past. Close your eyes and imagine yourself floating up above yourself, up above your present self. Imagine all your memories are arranged along a line - like a railway - going into the past in one direction and your future stretched out in the other. Your line could be straight, V-shaped, curved and at any angle. Now, still high above your time line, float back to the memory you have identitfied. Float there as long as like, view the scene through your own eyes, soak up all you could see, hear and feel, enjoy the positive emotions and float back to now along your time line.

Big Rocks Prioritisation Theory

This is a story with a moral: planning is the key to time management - and stress reduction. It appears in many forms - always reported as true!
Here's my version, with some food for thought at the end:

In the book “First Things First” Stephen Covey describes a story that one of his associates experienced on a seminar. In the middle of the lecture the presenter pulled out a wide-mouth jar and placed it on the table, aside to some fist-sized rocks.
After filling the jar to the top with rocks he asked, “Is the jar full?”
People could see that no more rocks would fit, so they replied, “Yes!”
“Not so fast,” he cautioned. He then got some gravel from under the table and added it to the jar, filling the spaces between the rocks. Again, he asked, “Is the jar full?”
This time the students replied “Probably not.”
The presenter then reached a bucket of sand below the table, and dumped it on the jar, filling the spaces between the rocks and the gravel. Once again he asked “Is the jar full?”
“No!”, the students shouted.
Finally, he grabbed a pitcher of water and filled the jar completely, asking to the public what they could learn from that illustration.
One of the participants answered, “If you work at it, you can always fit more into your life.”
“No,” said the presenter. “The point is, if you don’t put the big rocks in first. . . would you ever have gotten any of them in?”
This little story can be applied to all aspects of your life.
The question then becomes: out of all your activities, what are the big rocks? More importantly, are you making sure that they are going first into the jar?
The professor then produced two cans of beer and proceeded to pour them into the jar, effectively filling the empty spaces between the rocks, pebbles, and the grains of sand. The students laughed. “Now,” said the professor as the laughter subsided, “I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.
“The rocks are the important things – your family, your partner, your health, your children, and your close friends - things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter, like your job, your house and your car. The sand is everything else. The ‘small stuff.’ If you put the sand into the jar first,” he continued, “there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks.
“The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness: Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out dancing.
There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party, and fix the disposal. Take care of the rocks first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities; the rest is just sand.”
One of the students raised her hand and asked what the beer represented. The professor smiled; “I’m glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a couple of beers!”

Now what can you glean from this for yourself?
What are your big rocks? What do you care about in life? What are your top priorities?
What do you want? What goals do you have in connection with your family, your friends and your life partner, your career, your health?
If you don’t currently have a romantic partner, are you making the time to meet new people? Is optimal fitness important to you? What about spirituality, community service, politics or finding new ways to make a contribution to society? What about having fun, seeing the world and enjoying new adventures?
Take a minute right now to jot down what you consider the big rocks in your life.
After you finish writing down the five, six or ten areas that are a top priority for you, think about how much time you are spending in each area. Is your life balanced, or has one area of pressure taken over your time?

Are you willing to make a commitment, right now, to putting those big rocks in the glass jar of your life? To make a positive change now?

The point is: unless you put the big rocks in first, you won't get them in at all.
Plan time-slots for your big issues before anything else, or the inevitable sand and water issues will fill up your days and you won't fit the big issues in (a big issue doesn't necessarily have to be a work task - it could be your child's sports-day, or a holiday).

Put the Big Rocks First

Stress Management Workshops in Hemel Hempstead

Stress is a major contributing factor to many physical and metal illnesses and is responsible for more sick days from work than any other reason.
Each workshop is independent but the two complement each other.


Secrets of Stress Free People
Wednesday 13th February
7.30pm - 9.30pm

By understanding how others manage stress successfully you can use their strategies to become stress free too.
On this interactive workshop you will learn what stress is and how to deal with the symptoms of stress, manage stressful situations, identify your personal stressors, make changes to you lifestyle and attitudes.

Learn to Relax
Wednesday 20th February
7.30pm - 9.30pm

An interactive session where you will practice breathing techniques, muscle relaxation and visualisation.
These effective yet simple techniques are easy to master and can be used anywhere. You will discover that after deep relaxation you can feel refreshed and energised.

Location
Boxmoor Cricket Club, St John's Road, Hemel Hempstead, HP1 1NP

Booking and payment
The workshops are £20 each or book both for £30
Please pre-book to reserve a place by visiting:

http://positivechangenow.googlepages.com





or call 07881 602024

Developments at Positive Change Now

I have had several requests for workshops and downloadable material, so...
coming soon... there will be a series of public workshops.

The first two will be:

'Secrets of Stress-Free People'
introducing the concepts of stress:
what stress actually is,
how it is manifested mentally and physically,
how to deal with the symptoms of stress,
how to manage stressful situations
how to identify your personal stressors

'Learn to Relax'
An interactive and practical session. You will learn:
effective breathing techniques to relax your mind
how to relax your body
how to use visualisation to rest, recuperate and feel refreshed anywhere.

They will be in February in Hemel Hempstead - details to follow.

In the pipeline:
'Secrets of Slim People'
'From Procrastination to Motivation'
'How to be Happy'

Please contact me for more information

Dental Fear and Anxiety - Tip 3: Easy Breathing for Relaxation

The 7:11 Breathing Pattern

Whether you are thinking about making an appointment, you are in the waiting room or in the chair many people find that the easiest way to relax is to concentrate on their own breathing.
It is a special type of breathing, not into your chest but deep into your tummy or diaphragm which is below your chest. Experience this now.
Sit down and close your eyes for a little while. Just become aware of your breathing. Make sure you are sitting or lying in a comfortable position with your hands resting in your lap or by your side and your legs un-crossed.
Concentrate on being aware of your feet on the floor, your arms, legs, head wherever they are resting.
Make each out breath last longer than the in breaths. This causes stimulation of the part of your nervous system responsible for relaxation. This is a basic law of biology and if you breathe in this way then your body will have no choice but to relax.
Your body will respond regardless of what your mind is thinking.
Now count to 7 as you breathe in and 11 as you breathe out, concentrate on counting to keep your mind focused, welcome the sense of calm gradually flowing in.
Do this 10-20 times knowing you will relax more with each breath.

It may be a little difficult at first and you may like someone to guide you through it until you are familiar with it, but doing this regularly causes your general anxiety level to come down. You may also find that you begin to breathe this way automatically if you feel anxious. Regular relaxation actually starts to inhibit the production of stress hormones in the body so it actually becomes harder and harder to panic. As you become more generally relaxed the 'baseline' of arousal from which you are starting lowers. It actually becomes harder to get stressed!
You can gain much more control over panic attacks.